Michael, I really like this comparison to the game being 'us'. I have certainly thought about this subject that way before and you go much further in it than I did. It seems to me to reinforce the thought you have to 'establish a means of dialogue' with the player - so if you do something uncommon, such as a (not)game, you have to 'agree' on this with the player. I am sort-of building an initial model around this dialogue concept. Of course, this dialogue can be, as you suggest, non-verbal; and I argue that apart from hyper-level messages it probably should not be too much literal 'agreements'.
But I am including an extra section in my game I had not planned that tells the player he is not controlling a character, he is performing the subconscious actions of a character. I was thinking for a while this would be obvious to the player
whilst or
after playing, but why should it be? To go with your metaphor, which sounds as I am sure you are aware (

) somewhat sexual to my by now British-trained ears, you can give pleasure, but if the person is not aware of the
type of pleasure you are trying to give he may be unaware of your efforts and not reciprocal. But if you tell your playing partner what
type of thing you are doing, without letting it rely on the norms of the other person (the player expecting a game-like experience), you can hook in on other types of activity or create concepts of new ones. Hence my 'you are subconscious' message, which is me as a designer saying; this is our common ground, do not ask me for anything outside of this. If you do not like it, I will not force you but then we have nothing to give one-another.
As to my work on symbiosis, this 'common ground' you agree upon would be heavily influenced by the temperance and capabilities of a person - finding that you cannot smile unless the character is happy, or that walking is slower when not happy. This all works theoretically but not unless you agree with the player that there will be no challenge hanky-panky going on where you reward him for walking; then the character being happy becomes a subservient goal.
(But perhaps we are just so used to looking at games like this this becomes our own faulty interpretation? Like only having seen soft sci-fi films and then watching
Moon.)
Thomas:
In the game you perform the normally subconscious actions of a character who is waiting for a dinner date to show up. I give the player actions like tapping and looking around, and increase this palette throughout the game. At first I felt there was too little to do, but many test players found the story to be written well enough and the voice acting hooking enough (both are my work so I am happy about that result) to be lulled into doing exactly this; I can see them experimenting with how to eat soup or dunk bread in it.
But this is mostly open-minded gamers or non-gamers, I notice. What people do and expect is very much dependant on their background. The best player I had never played games.
I will certainly release my work on this forum! I think your responses will be very valuable to me, since I will be researching design techniques that I derive from my theory.